11 November 2008

Relief and Release

First, thank you for all the kind words and comfort. Your love has meant a lot.

And second, I'm sure everyone is wondering how we're (specifically me) doing. Well, we're doing pretty good, and I feel great. Both physically and spiritually.

The day after it all happened Rob and I went on a date and entrusted Max to my sister. Afterwards, we went to her boyfriend's sisters' where they all were to pick him up. Leah (my sister's boyfriend's sister) had just had a baby 8 days before so I got to hold precious Allie and I was amazed that there was no pain. Despite my feelings on losing the baby, and knowing I was ok, I was still a little worried how I would be around newborns. But I didn't need to worry. Yes, I was looking forward to having my own, but there is no pain or anger or hurt associated with babies or the ones who had them (or are having them). A little sadness, but no pain. And I realized that night that the healing process was complete. Someday I will have my own newborn again, but for now I am content to hold others'.

So, physically I am amazing. I haven't felt this good in a long time. It's kind of funny- having a miscarriage, especially 12 weeks into the pregnancy, makes you realize just how much a pregnancy (and recovery from giving birth/having a newborn) takes out of you. Once you actually have the baby, it's a gradual recovery, while with this it was almost instantaneous. Once the cramps stopped, I was great. I have energy again, and MOTIVATION again (something I have been struggling to muster for awhile now). And I am enjoying it. I really don't think I've felt this great since high school. Iarc (short for Interior Architecture) is insanely demanding, so I've felt like I was dragging for the past five years and I would just tell myself to wait for graduation, everything will be good then. Then I graduated and the month of August was a little crazy and then I got pregnant so I never felt the sense of relief or release I was anticipating. But now, I feel it. And it feels soo good.

6 comments:

  1. so glad to hear you are doing well!
    I had been wondering.

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  2. im glad you are feeling better!

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  3. I am so glad you are feeling better:)

    Erika

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  4. Wow. I go out of town for a few days and miss out on a whole roller coaster of emotions.

    So glad your testimony and your family could help you through this rough time. And glad you can still hold Caroline for me. :)

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  5. i knew you were ok when you touched my belly. :) i'm glad things are going well for you. it's always a little awkward being the pregnant one around those that aren't pregnant but wish they could be. sorry i've been a slacker about play dates these last two weeks. i've been slammed for some reason lately. but let's get together next week. i'll email you.

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  6. So glad to hear you are doing so well. You are an inspiration.

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