was it worth it?

It's been no secret, this last pregnancy of mine was tough. It taxed my body in ways it had never been taxed before. It made it so I couldn't function as a person, let alone a mom. It had it's ups and downs. And at the end my body said "I give up, get this baby out." Then the birth was not as easy as I was hoping. It wasn't as bad as the first birthing experience (thank goodness), but it wasn't the experience I was expecting for a third child. Throughout all of that, especially after I had just had a painful encounter with the porcelain throne for the um-teenth time that day, I wasn't sure if it was worth it. I thought that every time some new medical thing popped up. I thought that as my two already born children watched tv all day for who knows how many days in a row. I thought that as I pushed that little body out of mine.

But once I held him in my arms for the first time, I started to think that maybe it was. And the next it was possible it was. And so it's gone as the days and weeks have passed, me thinking a little bit more that it was worth it.

Well, I think I've made it. All that crap I dealt with to get him here, while I don't ever want to do it again, was worth it.

It was worth it so I could cuddle his little chubby body. It was worth it so I can gaze into those big blue eyes. It was worth it so I can smell his sweet baby smell. It was worth it so I can see his happy, happy smiles when he looks at me. It was worth it so I can cry over just how beautiful he is.









It was worth it so I could be his mama.